When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
