If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
