If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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