i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
