8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
