She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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