So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
