were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
