32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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