Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
