Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
