i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
