You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
