It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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