I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
