Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?