how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!