new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
