This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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