You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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