is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize