Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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