she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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