I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My pussy is not your playground.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
