i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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