in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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