I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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