we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
