you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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