Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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