I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
