Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
