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he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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