I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
