is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
