My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
