Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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