1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
