Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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