I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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