I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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