Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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