Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
