? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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