When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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