My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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