I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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