matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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