I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
