When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
