We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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