Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
