In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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