gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My feet surprised me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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