Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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