"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
They left me at home... I'm a liability
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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