I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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