you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
