i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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