I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize