just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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