He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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