**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
