Non-Jews are for practice
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
