how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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