He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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