he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
