She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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